Heaven and Hell

Wednesday, October 16, 2013 0 Comments

Man. This has been one of the longest, most difficult weeks of my missionary life! I feel like I've gone to hell and back and hopefully am on the straight and narrow again.

The work is going pretty slowly here recently. We've had to drop more investigators, which is never fun. Every time you have to make the decision to stop meeting with someone for a while, it's hard not to feel like a failure of a missionary.

Updates from this neck of the woods are as follows.

We have a puppy! Well, the family we live with has a new puppy. Her name is Tess and she's a Cane Corso and she is just adorable! She has all of these skin rolls and she trips over her own feet a lot and she's going to have a fierce bark when she gets a little bigger. I don't know if it gets any cuter than baby Tess.

I've been having such a hard time wanting to be a missionary lately. I let myself get distracted by things I would think at home before my mission, and suddenly missionary work becomes second priority. First priority is my frustration in being unable to live two lives at once.

Despite all of my struggles this week, I've come to the conclusion that God knows what He is doing with me. I'm the kind of person that has to touch the hot stove to understand it. I don't know why, but it's true. I learn best from going through preventable, hard things and coming out having learned more about my nature and more about the nature of the Atonement. I guess that, as human beings, we all work that way sometimes.

So, I went from crying a lot and being frustrated this week to going to the San Diego temple just a few hours ago. Temples are like heaven on Earth. There is no better place to get right with God than a quiet spot in the temple. If you can, you should visit often. There are countless blessings to be received every time you go.

 I think I'm starting to reach a point in my mission (four months this week!) where I get why things need to happen. I get why obedience is important. I get why this work is so important. I get what I have been asked to do, to some extent. I just need to figure out ways to keep going and loving it until I'm strong enough to take on new challenges.

Last P-day it got so cold and rainy that I had to wear my coat! I was SO STOKED. I couldn't contain myself. :)
I'm always so touched when I hear others pray for missionaries. I never noticed that before General Conference. I never really thought about how much the members of this Church do to support us missionaries. Thank you, to members all over the world! Thank you for calling down the strength of heaven to help us help others.

Advice from an ordinary sister missionary:
1. Use more exclamation points. It's awesome!
2. Watch Mormon Messages often. Go to http://www.mormonchannel.org/ and indulge. Your spirit will be lifted, I promise.
3. Don't ever let Satan get into your brain and tell you that you are not good enough, not strong enough, or not knowledgeable enough to do hard things. You can! And you don't have to do it alone.
4. To add on to #3: use the Atonement every day. Don't let negativity build up. Talk to God. Use this precious gift of sacrifice that Christ has presented. You will find joy you never knew.
5. Love everyone!

I love you, as always.

Sister B