GIFs From the HeartI have a few things to talk about.
1. I report to the MTC in 1 week.
2. I am terrified.
3. I have no idea what I'm doing.
Yet, despite all of that, here I am, in my room, not having packed a single bit, refusing to look at PMG too hard. Instead of packing or studying or doing anything mission prep-ish, I decided to watch Sherlock.
A lot of Sherlock.
And can I just tell you that Benedict Cumberbatch is not getting me in the mood to lock down my heart for the next eighteen months?
But that's neither here nor there.
(Sometimes I think about what it would feel like to stand next to Benedict Cumberbatch when he's talking and feel his voice in the air. Weird? Yes. Beautiful? Also yes.)
My body is fighting this. Hard. I try to keep my sleep schedule to only 8 hours, and all of my energy is sapped by 2pm.
I have sat down to sort and pack my suitcases at least five times, and every time I do I remember something super interesting that I need to look at on Facebook, or decide to do a round of my social media apps on my phone and then, surprise, I'm lying in my bed, sleeping, Fitzwilliam clutched in my hand.
Yes, my phone is named Fitzwilliam.
...Do you see what I mean? I can't even concentrate on writing a blog post about how I can't concentrate on preparing for the mission that is exactly one week away.
I keep thinking about all of the TV and film I have to watch right now, and all of the hours that I have in the day to forget that I will be Sister B next Monday.
Sometimes I catch myself thinking more about the things I will do when I get back home than the things that I will do when I am Sister B.
Sometimes I catch myself wishing on an eyelash that my mission will be over quickly so I can get back to fawning over Benedict and Tom Hiddleston and Lee Pace and Ben Barnes and all of...
I can't speak. GIFs.
But, you know what? There's also been a lot of this.
|And now you all know the inside of my mind.|
So, you know what? I think it's going to be okay. More than okay. I also think it's okay that I'm feeling this way. It's not going to stop me from serving my mission. It's not going to change my mind about it being a good idea. It's my brain's last rebellion.
Most of the time, feelings don't need to be fixed. I don't need advice on how to be more spiritually minded. I don't need advice on how to get rid of the lethargy and frustration. It just needs to be for a while.
Don't be afraid to be sometimes. That's what a mission is all about. Learning how to feel things. Learning how to be things.
Love ya. If I can, I'll try to find time for one more blog post this side of the country before Monday. If not, I'll be having a friend post my emails, so you can keep updated on MTC/Cali life for me.
(P.S. Nobody had better spoil Sherlock for me while I'm gone. I will find you, and I will KILL YOU just kidding I will probably just stop reading your letter/email. You have been warned!)
P.P.S. Don't forget that GFC (Google Friend Connect) will be disappearing next month! If you're using that to follow this blog, I recommend switching to Bloglovin'! It's a great way to follow all of your favorite blogs and have a feed of recent posts all in one place. You can find OYSMF >here<. If you want a little baby tutorial on how to use it, ask me for some help! I promise it's super easy once you get set up.